MINDLESS MUSINGS

INT. BANK EXECUTIVE BOARDROOM – DAY

CHAIRMAN: You promised innovation. A move to a new frontier of trading and investment efficiency, I believe that was the term you used.

CEO: There has been an 8% rise in share prices in the last three months

CHAIRMAN: It was 16% in the same quarterly report last year.

CEO: May I remind you that in the same quarterly report last year we closed eleven hundred branches and reduced one third of the work force.

CHAIRMAN: Yes, a memorable piece of work. Quick, decisive, your first year with us, a good start, now may I remind you of a fundamental business principal. Companies grow. 16% last year means 20% this year. 24% next year.

CEO: Well unfortunately there are no more branches left to close.

CHAIRMAN: You have three months Simon.

The Bank (2001)

I’m sure we would like to think that this scene was exaggerated for dramatic purposes, but I can’t help but shudder at the implications. With all the non-disclosure agreements and airtight contracts, we will never know what gets said behind the closed doors of those high-altitude boardrooms.

However abhorrent that fictional conversation sounds, the premise holds true. Companies must grow and the CEO is there to make that happen. If you are running a corporation that is producing the latest and greatest innovation, be it goods or services, that wouldn’t be too difficult. Growth is inevitable as you relentlessly snatch market share from your outdated competitors.

Next you probably start gobbling up those competitors, giving yourself an even larger share. Don’t forget to snatch any up and comers who pose a threat for the double win: remove potential challengers and gain any new ideas and/or talent.

As far as I know, this type of trajectory cannot be maintained indefinitely (not legally anyway); there will be a plateau at some point. Even monsters like Netflix level out eventually. While customer retention will ensure profits; no single market can endlessly attract new customers at such a velocity.

Competitors also get their shit together and the tug-of-war kicks in. This would be where the scene with the Board of Directors asking for the moon plays out. “What do you mean no more growth? Steady profits aren’t good enough mate. We want expansion! Feed the beast!!!”

If the CEO fails, they are sacked. Don’t cry for them though, they always seem to land on their feet and much better off than when they came in. The next business ace rocks up with big ideas and bigger promises. Cost cutting is the swiftest way to make a bold first impression and increase the bottom line. If the business is still profitable, lowering expenditure will result in an overall increase in net profit; which equals an increase in share prices; which equals an increase in bonuses for the people in the top floor offices. Which means absofuckenlutley yes! Do that!!!

The board meeting scene demonstrates the insatiable appetite for MORE, and the ruthless nature of the corporate machine in its quest for continuous gain. There are only so many tweaks you can add and expect people to pay extra for. Even the most die-hard product loyalists eventually wake up to the pissweak addition you’re trying to fob off as an ingenious innovation.

Scams like the old charger not fitting the new phone start to run a bit thin after a while too. Customers tend to look elsewhere once they begin noticing the bullshit fees and charges you have been sneaking in there as well. How about the commercials slipping into paid streaming subscription services? It’s all done in the name of impossible profit expectations!

There is only so many shenanigans, smoke and mirrors can cover up before the customers start jumping ship; only so much cooking of the books before an investigation. That won’t bother the high-flyers mind you. Middle management? Sucks to find out that you were the scapegoat at such a time. No sympathy again, they would have gladly watched someone else take the hit. That’s the Snakes and Ladders rules of scaling the corporate heights.

Clever marketing can and has done wonderous things; with all its tricks and tactics it can keep the charade churning for a lot longer than it deserves to. Yet even this will hit the wall at some point, and when that happens the scissors come out. Trimming the fat morphs into wholesale butchery!

Call me a cynic if you will, but there is no doubt in my mind that every person sitting in those executive offices has had to fuck someone over and/or been responsible for, anything from a few, to entire swathes of staff being tossed out on their asses. If you don’t have the stomach for that, don’t kid yourself about sitting in the big chairs.

Every manager down to the bottom level supervisor has had to carry out some type of unsavoury order. It is undeniably true that the higher you rise in the corporate hierarchy the better your overall communication skills need to be: leadership, persuasion, negotiation etc. It is also imperative that you increase your ruthlessness and decrease your empathy. I suppose you could compartmentalise your business and personal personas in theory. Though I fear it would be impossible for long term exposure to ‘playing hardball’ not to harden your heart full-time.

The power, wealth and prestige can be an irresistible drive that, much like the profits, requires ever more sustenance to retain its tenuous equilibrium. Like a junkie, the power player finds themselves doing things once inconceivable to keep answering that siren’s call. Bend your ethics, bend the rules; lie, bully, betray. It’s a long way down from up there.

ELAINE: Why should you get the first class?

JERRY: Elaine, have you ever flown first class?

ELAINE: No.

JERRY: All right then. See you won’t know what you’re missing. I’ve flown first class, Elaine. I can’t go back to coach. I can’t I won’t.

Seinfeld – “The Airport”

The funny thing is that we are at all surprised at the immoral behaviour of these corporate overlords. The goal is fucken unsustainable without cheating! The ceaseless lust for “more, more, more” is the gluttonous cry of a degenerate addict. The person who thrives in this environment gets a different kind of buzz than your average Joe. Like the alcoholic who seems to get more energized while those around them are staggering out the door or falling asleep under the table. In their quest for ceaseless satisfaction they have lost their souls.

I just struck a vein there. This one’s going to expand. Maybe not endlessly, but there will be growth!