MINDLESS MUSINGS

“That Health & Safety Representative is fucken useless!”

“Our union delegate only gives a shit about stuff that affects him”

More common gripes that could make you rich if you got a few bob every time you heard them. Always easy to pass judgement from the sidelines. Another one that would build a nice little nest egg (probably would need a few dollars per time to make it worthwhile though) is the one where I suggest that I nominate the complainant for the position in the next meeting and am met with a super swift “fuck that!”

Everybody knows these are thankless jobs that add responsibility and stress for, not just no reward, but harsh criticism and even hostility! You step up and make yourself a target for management and a whipping boy for all the ills of the workplace. On top of that you are expected to go into battle for people who are calling you a useless bastard, or even a corrupt one! Why wouldn’t you take whatever cream comes your way?

I suppose that is where the slippery slope begins. At first, you get a few little perks; maybe a cushier job, or a little more overtime. Nothing is asked for in return. Then the time comes where you are in on a little secret and asked to withhold it to keep things running smooth. Sooner or later, you are turning a blind eye to violations, and in the end, you become part of the company’s propaganda machine; actively spreading misinformation and conveniently “forgetting” member complaints and withholding information that might damage the business.

That is an extreme fall from grace though. Unless of course you were a skunk from the get-go and what can I say? If nobody else puts their hand up, we get what we deserve; much like a shonky town sheriff.

A few things we need to remember before passing judgement:

• Anyone can be nominated and voted in. If the current delegate/rep has no opposition, we have no choice.
• Legislation has changed a hell of a lot and unions have nowhere near as much power as the “good ol’ days”. A lot of member grievances are about liberty’s no longer being tolerated because the union can no longer call a strike at the drop of a hat.
• The business model has changed, and corporations have replaced the owner. Unions are now dealing with a bureaucratic machine rather than one or two rich people who have the final say on decisions.
• The corporate profit machine is ruthless and relentless in its pursuit of profit above all else.
• The gravy train has come to a shuddering halt in most industries now and delegates/reps must accept that profitability will not be sacrificed lightly, if at all.

A HSR has more power than a union rep in many respects these days. Occupational Health and Safety regulation holds a lot of power regardless of union strength. However, like much legislation, it is open to interpretation, and all businesses would be crossing a line somewhere I reckon. A 100% safe working environment is unfeasible and making safety your number one priority could send you broke. “Safety at all costs” sounds like a wonderful catchphrase but following it unwaveringly could cost more than you bargained for.

Mr. Burns: It seems the federales have been tipped off by an anonymous whistleblower.

Homer: [to himself] Mm-hmm.

Mr. Burns: Now, while the plant is brought up to code, there will be massive layoffs. That is to say, total layoffs. Toodles!

Lenny: Way to put us out of work, genius.

The Simpsons: “HOMR”

Just like a union delegate, a HSR must accept that having the place shut down would not be met with gratitude from most of the workers. The ones who whinge and moan the most would very probably be the loudest detractors of the rep responsible. “Standing up for what’s right” can instantly become “fucking it up for everybody” depending on the outcome. Complainers love to complain after all.

Which leads me to another shitty part of taking one of these positions: most of your time and effort will be taken up by bludgers, whingers and troublemakers. People will want you to go into bat for them simply because they are lazy; these same people would be the most vocal regarding “all the dead-shits in this place!” Projection is almost impossible to see in oneself. People who ignore all kinds of hazards and maybe even are one themselves at times will nit-pick one tiny flaw because they have a grudge.

Much like becoming a supervisor, these positions can only be performed by a person with good political instincts; be they a greedy/lazy weasel or a person of integrity genuinely trying to help. If you can’t operate in the grey zone and don’t have the knack of reading and persuading people you will either burn out or be tossed out very quickly indeed. I suppose the weasel has the best chance if they don’t get caught red-handed; at least they don’t have the added frustration of being wrongly labelled as a crook.

Both roles are important and do serve a purpose. It’s just that solving all the problems of the workplace is not it. Dealing with personalities, fighting fires and keeping the peace are the main tasks. Much like a cop, you will last a lot longer de-escalating situations rather than attempting to ‘fight evil’ and take down all the bad guys/gals. Much like the police force the opportunity for corruption comes with the responsibility and many will assume you are ‘on the take’ regardless.

There are no perfect systems and no matter how many oversight committees, anti-corruption commissions or super-dooper integrity special investigation teams you tack on, you are still left with flawed human beings.  

KARL: I move that Homer Simpson be our new union president! All In Favour?

CROWD: Aye!!!

KARL: All opposed?

ONE INSIPID VOICE: Me.

KARL: Congratulations Homer!

(CROWD CHEERS)

HOMER: Hey what does this job pay?

KARL: Nothing

HOMER: Doh!

KARL: Unless you’re crooked

HOMER: Woohoo!

The Simpsons: “Last Exit to Springfield”