MINDLESS MUSINGS

“I do everything around here!”

“This place would be fucked without me!”

And the limitless variations on this theme. Oh, to have a dollar for every time I heard it. Shit, I ‘d be rich to have a dollar for every time I thought it myself! Wouldn’t be worth enough to get paid only for when I said it out loud though. Tis a heavy cross to bear we workhorses are burdened with. Funny that there’s almost always more than one of us.

“Two men say they’re Jesus, one of them must be wrong”

Industrial Disease Dire Straits

In my 30 odd years in the workforce, I have seen many incarnations of this martyrdom, and I am fascinated by the vast spectrum of characters. I will begin with the one I am most familiar with: The Fool.

Sadly, this was my role for a large chunk of my working life. The person who truly believes the work MUST be done, regardless of if there is enough time, resources, people. This simpleton feels an inordinate obligation; not necessarily to the boss or the company, it runs deeper than that. They genuinely feel that the need to ‘pull their weight’ includes picking up the slack for those who have no such impulse.

This person is perpetually perplexed at their coworker’s lack of work ethic. This is the major tell for me that the Fool’s industriousness is ingrained and akin to OCD. The person cannot help themselves; even if they are fed up and exhausted, it is almost distressing for them to leave work undone. Like OCD it is very fucking unhealthy!

You see OCD characters in movies or on TV and it is often presented like an impairment that also bestows the sufferer with some type of savant gift. Alternatively, it is simply played for laughs. The important part that is often missing is the stress, fatigue and exhaustion. From the outside it can sometimes look like the Fool just has a strong work ethic and plenty of energy. Inside it’s a very different story.

Imagine running yourself ragged trying to get ‘the work done’ while those around you are just cruising; or worse, bludging!!! You know that person was supposed to complete that task, but they have left it half done and are now having a chat. Sometimes they are having a chat with the fucking boss!!! Fuck me!!! So, you stop what you’re doing and finish the task to prevent a potential bottle neck and then go back to what you had been doing and try to make up for the time you just lost.

More often than not the whole thing will go unnoticed and yet the Fool has another delightful defect: even if the boss was to praise them or the coworker should miraculously thank them, the Fool would be incapable of feeling any joy. At best they may mumble a ‘no worries’ and a weak smile, then return to their beast of burden routine. At worst the boss will ask the Fool why they haven’t finished their task yet. Eye starts twitching.

Unappreciated, frustrated and totally confounded. This poor shmuck usually exudes humility and stubbornly refuses to ring their own bell. This usually stems from feelings of inferiority rather than modesty. The affronts will accumulate within the Fool as they push them down with the force of a garbage compactor, until that one final insult, which will often be rather mild, causes an explosion that catches everybody unaware.

“Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that? When daddy hit the referee.”

Homer Simpson

“I’M FUCKEN SICK OF THIS!!!” Will be heard by all and sundry after some minor workplace faux pas. The bewildered co-worker who took his scanner by mistake stands there shocked. “That’s a bit over-the top” everyone within earshot thinks. “That guy’s fucken nuts” they say. The bosses wonder if he may be a liability.

And therein lies the paradox of the “one who cares” (a coworker used to mockingly call me that a long time ago). He or she is trying to get the job done efficiently and in doing so may be spreading themselves too thin or even creating a hazard; either to others or just themselves. They also have next to zero understanding of the infinite variables that create any one person’s work ethic. It is usually much more nuanced than just laziness or spite that causes people to work with the hand brake on.

The fool, with their grouchy demeanour and poorly disguised judgemental attitude is sabotaging the very goodwill their efforts should instil. Nobody wants to work alongside a grumpy person who makes them feel like they are a lazy shit. No boss wants to hear complaints about how “nobody does shit around here!” To them it sounds like “why can’t you do your job and get everyone to work hard?”

“Fuck you!” would be the inner reply I imagine.

So, by worrying about more than their fair share, the Fool, while “maybe” getting more done, eventually becomes a pain in everybody’s ass. And that’s if they are actually more productive in the first place.

Of course, I like to believe that I was contributing more than my share, I can never be sure of how it all looked in the grand scheme of things. Remembering the negativity I radiated in my younger days, I hope my efforts were at least appreciated despite my grim disposition.

I am certain that my impatience and indignant rushing about was unsafe. Fortunately, no one was injured or killed by my erratic behaviour. I do know that many sick days and injuries were caused directly or indirectly from that bubbling rage.

It’s bizarre to see myself in the numerous other ‘Fools’ I come across and rather embarrassing too. I know they will not hear my suggestions about moderation, just as I didn’t. Like a recovering addict I can only watch and hope. If I happen to be there when they start to snap out of it, maybe I can help.