MINDLESS MUSINGS

Let’s have a peek at that mysterious netherworld of the corporation. All those people in ‘middle management’, who work at ‘head office’ and any other characters that the workers on the floor randomly see being led around the facility by a honcho or never see at all. In this topsy turvy wonderland, positions appear and vanish; they have complicated titles and then maybe they merge and become a whole new entity.

I must admit that I have never visited the corporate headquarters of any job I have had, thus this is all speculation based on what I’ve learned and what I’ve been told, plus a shitload of Television shows, movies, stand-up comedy, comic strips and any other form of satire that works so well. My office experience goes no further than the offices of the bosses and boffins of my own worksite and even that has a different vibe from the work floor.

The reason all the jokes/stories work so well is their relatability. Beside the differences between office work and grunt work, every industry has their unique quirks as well. However much of the characters and dynamics are familiar all-round. Idiots, assholes, ass-kissers, snitches, work-buddies, shirkers, the overzealous and many others, along with the countless combinations.

This musing is my attempt to make, at least a little, sense out of some of the utterly bizarre decisions we on the floor get lumbered with. The floor could be anywhere: a factory, warehouse, restaurant, store etc. Anywhere that the people making the decisions are all-but invisible to the people who must eventually do the job. The bigger and more convoluted the hierarchy, the greater the opportunity for chaos and hilarity. Or frustration and contempt depending on your temperament.

I’ll begin with the most direct line on this totem pole: management/leadership. I’ll use a large furniture corporation as an example. Each individual store might be split into two sections: Sales and warehouse. Each of these sections would then have its own manager along with any team leader type role depending on the number of staff. At the bottom is the salespeople and warehouse staff.

The sales and warehouse managers would answer to the store manager and that would be the extent of bosses a lowly store worker would meet. So, at best, an employee might be able to report a grievance or suggested improvement to the store manager. If we’re talking multinational corporation, that person’s influence is extremely limited. This scenario is only possible if the store manager allows it, mind you, and you’re still risking the wrath of any team leader or manager whose head you went above.

Once you leave the individual stores you enter the Middle Earth realm. That mythical (to the grunts) place where rules and procedures are made. The direct link from the store to this place would be the state/regional manager. This would be the person warehouse and sales staff see being led around the place most often. You know, not long after your superior has frantically run around and told everyone to hide any flaws and make the place look so clean and organised it seems as if no work goes on there. This is the person the store managers in that designated area all answer to and this visitor travels with the authority of bigger chiefs.

This manager resides in a very different domain. They are surrounded by people whose jobs are not directly in contact with the customer and/or the product. Lots of mundane clerical work to keep records of money and stock; the office version of grunt work. Many of these will come complete with their own section head or manager who answers to a higher power somewhere else. After here you get to the national level and then (for Australia) you enter the big leagues: The Australasian head office!!!

We won’t scale those lofty heights just yet. Let’s stay with our immediate ‘superiors’. The people on the big bucks here who operate just under, alongside or maybe even outside the Regional Manager. People with titles such as: Regional Marketing Manager, State Human Resources Manager, NSW Logistics Manger etc.

These guys and gals exist in a strange purgatory where they have a lot of authority and responsibility, but their autonomy is very much controlled by the next level up. Any major policy or procedural change must be approved by the powers that be. Any such changes handed down from above must be given very serious consideration. Criticize at your peril. Fail to implement and you better be good at passing the buck.

The men and women these guys answer to (the Australian/National fill in the blank Managers) are on the precipice of going global and will not be much satisfied with losing face to their corporate masters. Any fuck ups better not reflect poorly on them!

You see, none of these people are high enough yet as far as they are concerned. The ones that are will have certainly adopted a lifestyle suiting their salary and would shudder at the idea of a cut in pay and/or status. Even if they are okay with it, they can never be sure that the downgrade might also include the loss of their significant other.

Regardless of ego and personal feelings, there is little doubt that these higher ups are just as susceptible as the rest of us to the siren’s call of debt. I’m the fucken regional/national manager! I should be living in a better house in a better suburb! The kids go to better schools. The family goes on better holidays. The house has the latest and greatest gadgets. The rug simply cannot be pulled out from under this.

I have no doubt whatsoever that these people still buy the occasional lottery ticket hoping for a way out. At best, if they are financially astute, they might retire early but remember they will need to have enough for a higher standard of living than the peasant retirees.

More perks, more responsibility. More money, more to lose. More status, more people wanting your time. As usual I am not trying to garner sympathy for these mid-level magnates, I am merely pointing out that they do not consider their lives to be easy and us whiny workers are a headache they are forced to deal with.

So, the next time you find yourself asking “where do these fucking decisions come from?” Your first point of call is simple: from some poor schmuck who can’t afford to lose their job! Rather like you, just with fancier toys.

I barely scratched the surface here. When I circle back here again, I’ll build upon this foundation. I already have a few ideas, but that’ll do for now.