MINDLESS MUSINGS

“We’re all gunna die!” someone screams in a crowded supermarket. People’s ears prick up and they start attentively scanning their surroundings. “We’re all doomed!” comes the voice again. Some people feel that spike of adrenaline and become hypervigilant, causing them to hit the deck or rush for the exit. A few ignore it or laugh it off. Some warily begin searching for the source.

What they find is a young man seated on the floor with his knees pulled close to his chest. He is visibly shaking and crying uncontrollably. A quick scan of the area shows no sign of imminent danger. The security guard announces that the police have been called and a middle-aged female staff member kneels to see if the man is hurt.

When the smoke clears it was a personal crisis, a severe panic attack. Everyone goes on with their lives and has an interesting story to add to their repertoire. The young man attends therapy and is eventually prescribed anti-depressants. With regular counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy, he learns to adjust his thinking and significantly reduce his anxiety.

The end.

Have you ever heard someone ask, “am I gunna die?” when they have an inexplicable pain or symptom? And some smart-ass replies “we’re all gunna die”. I’m sure I’ve said it a few times thinking myself rather wise. While the statement is true, it is obvious that was not the question. “I am going to die” and “I am going to die next Thursday at 12:45PM” are two very different assertions which stir up very different reactions.

Okay, so we have established that our time here is limited and at some point, our bodies simply shut down and rot. We also have zero empirical evidence regarding what happens to our consciousness after that. We have plenty of anecdotal evidence and we of course have many more religious and spiritual concepts, but nothing is certain. That is the basis of faith after all, to believe (or for the truly devout; have complete trust) without evidence.

If you have been reading this blog for a while I hope you know that this is not the part where I start lecturing on ‘living life to fullest’ or ‘live and love like there’s no tomorrow’. My interest lies with where platitudes like this come from, what they mean in practice and how that affects our behaviour and interactions. Along with religious doctrine and any other theory prescribing the ‘right’ way to spend our finite existence in this mortal realm.

“Don’t waste your fucking life!”

“What am I supposed to do with this life?”

Sooner or later we all face these existential wake up calls. Many choose to ignore them or just go along with whatever is the latest version of “living your best life!” I would place those on a spectrum between the steady family life and party hard!!! Be a good citizen, get married and raise the next generation. Alternatively, you may choose to numb yourself with booze, drugs and casual sex. Ife is too short! Enjoy yourself before it’s too late. I suppose the happy medium would be, party hearty in your youth and settle down later. I believe that 25 would have been considered the ‘correct’ cut off point, but man, time really does fly when your having fun. Or perhaps, you lose track of time when you are munted on a regular basis. Something like that.

Maybe you need to travel further along the spectrum to an extreme like some form of religious or political zealotry: use your time trying to change the world, save people’s souls or perhaps become a celibate, vegan living in a cave. It’s good to be passionate right?

Money, career, power. You can really make a difference. You will have visible success, and people will have to respect you! Influence and the ability to create real change. Or perhaps you just want to flaunt your wealth and revel in the envy of others. High class decadence, that’s the way to go! You only live once, so make sure you do it first class all the way; experience all the luxury and pleasure life has to offer.

Hang on a minute! What about the delights of nature? Rainforests, waterfalls, beaches and all that shit. The best things in life are free you know. I’ll become an intrepid backpacker travelling on tight budget. See the world; meet different people, eat exotic food, trip out on peyote.

Wait a sec! Hallucinogenics! Yeah! Open the third eye man. See new dimensions and shit. Maybe go a different route through meditation or yoga or follow some charismatic guru. One with the world. One with nature…surfing! Those guys are fucking cool man.

Why not scuba diving, hang gliding? That stuff looks awesome! Fuck it, skydiving, mountain climbing, bungee jumping! You have to push yourself; face your fears. I’m gunna train for an MMA fight! I’ll work as a bouncer just to test myself.

All that is selfish man. I wanna help: Doctor, nurse, paramedic. I’ll start my own charity; go build wells in impoverished villages. I’ll rob banks and give the money away. Bingo! Fuck society and its fucken rules. I’m gunna be an outlaw – freedom or death!

Okay I’ll stop now. Thank you for taking whatever that was with me. The point I’m trying to make is that “a good life” or however you wish to label it is, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder. Or maybe consider this: are you proclaiming that your chosen path is the ‘right’ one because it feels right to you? Because it is what you excel at? Or maybe even because you put so much time and effort into it, the idea of it being a mistake is unthinkable?

Have you followed the herd unquestioningly and are only now realising that you should/could have done something else? Did you forge your own path and wind up lost? Maybe you split and joined up with a new and exciting bunch of rebels who led you off a cliff. Was this wrong? Who gets to say?

Are you doing stuff because you want to? Because you think you should? Or are you just going through the motions? What is the difference between being aimless and going with the flow? Other than the connotation?

Are you doing it because it brings you joy or satisfaction? Or are you doing it because your gratification derives from the admiration or envy of others? Do you even know?

Yes, we are all going to die and we can never be sure when that moment may come. Yes, you will often look back with pride or regret. You may well be laying on your deathbed one day wondering if you fucked it all up. Or maybe you’ll have a revelation that only comes at the point of death. Shit, I hope it’s a good one!

Here’s a slight curveball to consider: all that talk about your life flashing before your eyes and deathbed flashbacks…You may drop stone dead and never have the slightest inkling of it. Is that bad?