MINDLESS MUSINGS

“Monday’s Experts

Always know what’s best

Always tell you what you should’ve done

Monday’s Experts

Always know what’s cooking

How the game was lost and how it could’ve been won”

Weddings Parties Anything 1993

“Management is so fucken stupid here.”

“Our supervisor couldn’t organise a fuck in a brothel.”

I reckon it would be impossible to go three days in a row without hearing some version of these statements from a coworker and I am sure I have participated in many a bitch session over the years. Nevertheless, when a supervisory position becomes available, none of these naysayers put their hands up (including me). The opportunity to impart their wisdom just passes by and vanishes. It’s uncannily like the thousands of spectators in the song above.

“I would have done things differently”. When? How? “I didn’t see you on the field or in the coaching box.” Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. Some of them can’t even use old age or injury as a reason for their lack of participation; and for the ones that do:

“Age gives you an excuse for not being very good at things that you were not very good at when you were young.”

Thomas Sowell

Most ‘sideline specialists’ have absolutely no awareness of the ridiculousness of their posturing. How could they? They are too busy arguing their brilliant insights with all the other masterminds.

Workplace wizards operate on the same wavelength I believe. We all have ideas and suggestions on how to improve things, but no overall concept of the difficulties involved with implementing change in a large workforce. Even despite the fact that we are likely to be the very ones who distrust and resist any such change.

Being in the industry does give you a certain degree of insight and having performed many different roles would certainly increase that; maybe more than the person who has spent a lot of time doing the same job, although that could translate into a form of specialised expertise…or brain death.

Just like a spectating sage who spent many years as a youth playing the game, their suggestions are not entirely without merit and that would increase with experience playing different positions and with different teams: even more so if they had been a captain or maybe they coach/ed kids. However, in the end the arguments are purely academic.

From the sideline it’s a lot easier to see the next best move when you aren’t fatigued and stressed like the people on the field. It’s easy to make coaching calls when you are under no pressure and have no accountability. Mike Tyson once famously said “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”.

After the game, the silliness of the wise ones reaches new heights. 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing.

“Pity you can’t put a bet on at the finish of the race.”

Mondays Experts by WPA again

In some ways I am one of those with a little more understanding of the supervising/ management game. I was a ‘warehouse manager’ in my younger years. I even had certificates from TAFE in supervision and management – whoop dee do! With that knowledge, plus my years of experience in various jobs over various shifts and sites, I am probably able to give a few unique perspectives if a boss is interested.

Any ideas I choose to share during one of those unofficial workers only debrief sessions are purely theoretical. Riding an exercise bike has its benefits, unless you actually want to ride somewhere. Ask yourself: is this a thinktank that will report back to management? Or are we spinning our wheels?

The most ridiculous impromptu analysis culprits are the reverse fortune tellers. The ‘Monday’s experts’ of the workplace. It’s cheeky enough to deconstruct the outcome of someone else’s past decisions and/or actions without knowing all the variables. It’s sheer hubris to insist that you would have done the right thing had you been in charge.

Even an amateur game in the park has those few people ‘responsible’ for making the decisions, in the moment, and executing the plays under pressure. The rest of us are just blowing smoke, but hey, it feels good pretending to be involved. It is also fun to participate in hypothetical dissections after the game with fellow enthusiasts.

So, I guess I am seeing a correlation between armchair experts and employee management maestros. The sporting examinations come from passion and a shared interest; that cannot cross over by the way. If we’re talking rugby league, you’re AFL or soccer post-mortem will have to wait or maybe you can find another group of boffins to give your five cents worth.

Workwise it is an inevitable urge to, for lack of a better term, gossip. We all have ideas on how to improve things, and we all have certain rules and procedures we disagree with. In small doses it can be a way to just let off some steam. In excess it can become grandiose masturbation! It keeps you amused but is ultimately useless to everyone else.

If you aren’t willing to get in the game (sport or workplace responsibility) just remember that opinions are like assholes and until they are tried and tested in the real world, they are just chatter. So, try and keep it entertaining I suppose I’m saying because you really aren’t solving your company’s, or the world’s, problems. You’re just having a chat.