MINDLESS MUSINGS

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  • CORPORATE CONFUSION: A Hard Truth

                    “This used to be a place

                     Where a man could find some work

                     Put together Holdens or a foundry job at worst…”

    Chorus

                    “They’re shutting down our town

                     They’re cutting down out town

                     No more production line blue collar can be found

                     They’ll tear it to the ground…”

    “Shutting Down Our Town” Jimmy Barnes

    Most of us like to think we can look after ourselves and hopefully take care of our nearest and dearest. Even a dole bludging ‘houso’ will convince themselves that the handouts are a right they are entitled to regardless of the legitimacy of their dependence. Some may have enough gusto to boost their income through shady means, but they don’t have the desire to go full criminal. Let’s just say this lot are not exactly go-getters.

    The overwhelming majority of us go out and get a job. We don’t like it but “it’s an honest living”. To me a ‘job’ pretty much guarantees working for someone else. I mean this in the sense of unskilled labour. Where most of the slackers with no marketable skills end up. The ones who struggled or just cruised through school with no desire for higher education and not enough foresight or aptitude to get a trade – and no desire to go full criminal.

    The ones who did take their education seriously and actively pursued a profession may end up with a career – they may also end up with a ‘white collar job’. Career is a fascinating idea to me, and I will be delving into it more later. For this post let’s just settle for people pursuing further education hoping to earn a higher wage or simply avoid grunt work.

    Others may take the punt and choose to follow their passion or dream – artists, musicians etc. Some may stumble onto a good wicket – ‘it’s not what you know, it’s who you know’. A bullshit job that pays great. Some will choose to go full criminal.

    I don’t have the statistics, but I’ll hazard a guess that a shitload of all these people work for someone else – including the criminals. Most doctors and lawyers work for a hospital or firm. A tradie can work for himself, but a lot don’t. You could mow lawns for cash…fucken hell! That’ll do.

    So why the song lyrics at the top? Well, my point is this: we hate big business, but most of us are beholden to them (I like that that word has holden in it). Even if you don’t work directly for a corporation, chances are that your livelihood relies on getting paid from people who do.

    You’re self-employed, you own a coffee shop. Where do your customers get their money from? That song and many others (a lot from Bruce Springsteen) tell the tale of the devastating effect of being deserted by big business. Yes, it fucken sucks ass! But in this system, they are the backbone.

    Workers may sneer at the dole bludgers, especially when it dawns on them that their taxes provide the means for these job dodgers to get paid. This will definitely be getting a page of its own. The comparison I am drawing here is that while the welfare recipients (both genuine and fraudulent cases) are at the mercy of the government, most of the workers are way too complacent regarding the security of their situations.

    I do not want to try and squeeze too many ideas into one post, so rest assured I will be going down multiple rabbit holes as we move on. I just want to point out that the rug can be pulled quite suddenly for anyone, but the lower the skill level of the job the more precarious the position.

    If your job can be moved to a country with pissweak labour laws, it probably will. If a machine can do your job and the investment means no more annoying employees, guess what? The industry you’re in becomes redundant or not profitable enough, sayonara. Bosses are incompetent or embezzlers, sorry. Powerful union shrunk profit margins a little too much – shut the gates.

    For better or worse we rely heavily on entrepreneurs and the businesses they create, and I highly doubt anyone embarks on such a risky venture and decides to split the profits evenly with their employees – The utterly insane wage gap is a topic for later.

    Most of us sleepwalk out of school into a job. Some have the foresight to get themselves skilled up with the hopes of getting a higher paying and more resilient job; some even have a ‘dream job’ and thus are satisfied with what they do. So, moving backward along that list: a few people like or even love their job; many others would prefer not having to do it, but they’re pleased with what they earn; the majority are unhappy or outright hate their jobs.

    The common thread is simply this – they pretty much all ‘need’ their jobs and would be most upset if they lost it. A very cruel paradox indeed.

  • THE NEW LORDS AND THEIR HEIRS: Rise of the Tycoons #8

    The surviving nomadic/ hunter gatherers kept doing what they did best. Some may have found a nice, secluded space and settled. Some of those may have grown and joined the space (as in taking it up) race. Many remained humble and lived a simple life; for as long as they could anyway.

    As for all the go-getter tribes/ villages, the population growth was just starting. Populate – grow – expand. A simple equation and one the Earth was able to tolerate for quite a while. Villages grew prosperous and the bigwigs were more than happy to take more than their fair share.

    The distinction between peasant and upper-crust was becoming clearer, and as the generations passed – normalised; “that’s just the way things are”. There were now people being born into the upper echelons. Like the son of a mob boss who never had to get their hands dirty. The father and grandfather did all the scheming and foul play. The following generations simply inherited the rewards. Of course, if they weren’t careful an overthrow was always on the cards.

    As the wealth grew so too would the range of jobs and levels in the pecking order. People would prove themselves to be useful in other ways than mere farming crops or tending animals. The first obvious step up would be to become the expert in those crucial tasks. Be the go-to person for advice – the early incarnations of horticulturists and veterinarians.

    All kinds of toolmakers and builders would be needed too. These trades might also be utilized for making weapons and fortifications. I am sure that hunting would still be an important ritual even if there was enough food. A valuable skill to keep and possibly an initiation right. The same would go for fishing and general survival out in the elements. These abilities may be needed in times of trouble. This was not an ancient version of the Boy Scouts (although they were learning to ‘be prepared’).

    People may be needed to explore to find greener pastures or maybe even spy on neighbouring groups. Coastal peoples would be heading out on voyages of both fishing and discovery. Unfortunately, these people were human and when they see something someone else has that they like envy is never far away. I’ll get into that in the next post.

    Most self-respecting tribes would be focused (at least in the beginning) on improving their own village. They might begin with just stealing ideas from other groups – intellectual property if you will. A better tool or method they can adopt. Got to keep up with the Jones’s you know.

    Before the inter-village rivalry really kicked off, the gluttons were too busy misappropriating from their own groups. Some were possibly content with this (or too short sighted maybe) and concentrated on improving the village yields and then milking that for themselves and their offspring. Sooner or later though the craving for more spills over to what the other tribes/villages have.

  • POTENTIAL DEATH OR SERIOUS INJURY: True Stories #10

    Previously I used the image of Indiana Jones running from the giant boulder in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. Believe it or not I had another similar experience.

    I was helping my father and his mate (Steve) working on a brewery truck. We were delivering kegs and I was down in the cellar. Steve was pulling the kegs off the truck and rolling them over to my dad. My dad then pushed them down a steep ramp into the cellar where I would roll them along the thin corridor and into the cool room.

    The corridor was made even narrower because empty kegs were stacked up alongside one wall. There was literally only room for the keg. I would have to move backwards and slow the rolling keg down so I could step over it and push it along to the cool room.

    Somehow my dad sent one keg down the ramp on a slight angle and all hell broke loose! The full keg bounced off the ramp and ended up bounding towards me ala “Raiders of the Lost Ark Boulder”. I had nowhere to go except to the cool room which was probably 25 metres away. I ran and I ran fast! That keg was chasing me the whole way like a guided missile, bouncing up and around to ensure I had nowhere to manoeuvre for escape in its direction. I couldn’t jump it and I couldn’t duck under it with any certainty. My only option was to run like hell away from it and into the cool room.

    I finally reached the cool room and dived inside. I turned to see the killer keg bounce past the entrance. I heard it hit the wall when it had reached the end of the corridor. I sheepishly emerged from the cool room and saw my dad and Steve’s heads poking down the cellar door. As soon as they knew I was alright they burst into riotous laughter. I was in no mood for such antics and began hurling abuse at my father. They just kept laughing and told me to “get ready for the next one”.

    To this day I wonder what happened to that keg. It must have been damaged, but I am certain we didn’t take it back. I do not think the publican witnessed my ‘boulder dash’ incident. Maybe they discovered a beaten up keg a few days later; or maybe they just had an odd tasting brew for a while when they hooked up my ‘attempted killer keg’.

  • MY TROUBLE WITH GRAN TORINO (2008): Movie Musings #4

    ***SPOILER ALERT***

    I will begin with a question: Do you think that this film has a happy or at least a fulfilling ending? Every person I have asked usually says yes. Call me a jaded film buff, but I disagree. The final scene sees Thao Vang joyfully driving Walt’s prized Gran Torino – all has ended well apparently. I just thought of one possible solution to my cynical interpretation. If Thao Vang is leaving town, it just might be a positive resolution. If I missed that and it is indeed the case, you can stop reading now. Although he would be deserting his family…my version has him staying put and getting a good job.

    Allow me to explain my issue with thinking this is a joyous conclusion – hopeful or optimistic certainly – but one fraught with danger in my opinion. It’s nice to believe that peace prevails, but the movie spent nearly 2 hours immersing us in this cruel environment where the strong pick on the weak; where people gang up and enjoy menacing people they catch on their own – hyenas is an archetype that springs to mind.

    Clint Eastwood in his 2nd amendment fervour provides the only way to survive in such a predatory place. Guns – the great equalizer. I have no intention of going on a gun control rant. This is a film appreciation essay after all. The film does not have to present us with utopia, unless that is its aim. The important thing for us film geeks is that the film remains true to the reality it has created; and this particular reality is a kind of modern take on the wild west.

    Assholes and bullies are in abundance and the only way a lone wolf has a chance of self-preservation/respect is by having quick and ready access to a firearm. That’s fine. In another movie a supreme martial artist may hold the winning hand. We are in the storyteller’s world and all we ask is that they abide by the rules they have given us.

    So grumpy old Walt takes no shit and has no qualms about brandishing a rifle or a pistol to help others understand this fact. This is the harsh reality that Walt and Thao Vang live in. At no point did we see Walt teaching Thao Vang how to use a firearm. Even if we did the finale seems to give us the idea that the ‘bad guys’ are gone, and the hostility has ceased.

    The ‘twist’ in the conclusion is cleverly achieved by messing with our expectations and again, it works in this reality. Most viewers would have expected Walt to exchange gunfire with the gangbangers, sacrificing himself for his protégé (nobly of course). This would conclude with Walt either dead or off to prison, with no guarantee he would get all the thugs.

    However, that’s not what happens and would have been a little far-fetched even in this world. Instead, Walt confronts the heavily armed bullies and very convincingly fakes drawing a gun on them. They shoot him full of holes in front of heaps of witnesses and get their asses shipped off to prison. Okay, we must accept the slim to none chance that every member of the gang was shooting and were seen doing so by the witnesses…hey, it’s a movie – it works and it hits home.

    Walt has rid the neighbourhood of this menacing group, thus sparing his young friend an ugly future. You see, a major theme in the film is ‘don’t join a gang’, but the only alternative offered, besides being a perpetual victim, is to be a badass gunslinger. For me, the ending leaves Thao Vang in that middle spot and that sucks hard! The gang would probably have forced him to join and that would certainly end badly for him, but at the very least they offered him some kind of protection. Without them, Walt or his own firearm he is defenceless.

    A brief run through of the pertinent points regarding this issue:

    • Thao Vang is accosted by Chicano gangbangers and is rescued by a gang of his own race.
    • The gang pressure Thao into joining, insisting it is the only way to be safe.
    • Walt gives various examples of his courage and the powerful persuasive effect of wielding a gun.
    • Walt’s mate gives a simulated demonstration of this for Thao.

    The story seems to give only one logical way for Thao to take and driving around in a nice car with a dog is not it. In this world Thao would be car-jacked within a few days. He has not learned the skills that made Walt so formidable; the only gang that might possibly help him is now gone thanks to Walt’s noble sacrifice. As the credits rolled, I could only envision those assholes from the beginning rolling up again and forcefully taking that wonderful car from a still defenceless Thao. He may not be as naïve, he may be more employable, but he is still a sitting duck.

    Sorry if I wrecked it for you.

    Please let me know if I got any of it wrong and restore a positive ending for me.

  • CORPORATE CONFUSION: I Need to Speak to The Person in Charge

    The people on the shop floor know they are just numbers, expendable numbers. They look at their supervisors (team leaders, leading hands or whatever other bullshit title) and know that those Schmoes are standing on even thinner ice. No sympathy for them of course, they took the step up, they enforce the shitty rules – fuck them!

    We’ll skip all the section managers, 2ICs and any other non-worker who may or may not be needed. Usually a few of these lot can vanish and not be missed. Let’s jump to the person in charge of this location (insert fancy title here). We’ll call them the leading leader. The individual who answers to those people who are seen walking around once or twice a year. The ones you must tidy up the place and conceal any defects before they arrive.

    On a small scale they might be ‘head office’. Larger operations can have layers upon layers of managers and multiple departments. The chart can look like the family tree of a promiscuous bunch of inbreeders. Trying to find the highest honcho for your exact job could be like trying to pinpoint your great, great aunt on your mother’s side who was actually the second wife of….

    Odds on the leading leader couldn’t find his ‘supreme leader’ either. Bizarre thing is whoever that person may be they are only the supreme leader of that particular bloodline. How ever many of them exist, they must answer to a higher power: A General Manager, Director or even President! These guys are not interested in your problem on the floor though. Shit! the supreme leader, whoever that may be, couldn’t care less.

    But these higher ups make all the decisions, right? Sort of. They are all beholden to the Chief Executive Officer (now that’s a title!) the one with the vision (allegedly). Finally, one man or woman who can make the big decision. Not exactly. This person must report to the Board of Directors and all of them are answerable to the Shareholders!

    Who are the Shareholders? Those enigmatic entities who must be appeased. One tycoon may have a huge chunk of shares. Other stocks reside in some bank or other financial firms’ investment portfolio, or maybe that of a rich family or individual. Maybe a regular citizen who wants a new way to gamble. Even the working persons’ superannuation may be mixed in – a proper fucking spider web!

    I do not know enough about the details of stocks and trading. All I do know is that one thing trumps all other concerns in this caper – profit!!! Every single human being in this convoluted system must kneel before this insatiable deity. Keep making profits and no, I’m not simply saying ensure you make more than you spend. I mean keep making higher profits. This beast must grow or perish.

    If you aren’t growing, you are effectively shrinking because while you are in stasis some other firm is growing. If you remain inactive (not unprofitable mind you) for too long you will be surpassed. If another corporation can provide bigger returns on investment (dividends) your shareholders might jump ship.

    So, ultimately, the ‘vision’ of the CEO is very simple: The whole operation must produce a perpetual increase in revenue. Just let that sink in for a while.

    So, you might see these corporate heads strutting around flaunting their power and wealth but try to remember that they are the ones standing face to face with the cold and horrifying fact that Profit is The Almighty. It can’t be reasoned with or placated – ‘either give me what I want, or I’ll get someone who can”.

  • POTENTIAL DEATH OR SERIOUS INJURY: True Stories #9

    As kids, Wayne and I joined forces to collect cans for cash, and we were always on the lookout for new hunting grounds. One day while riding on a train I noticed how many cans were strewn across the tracks. People were obviously just tossing their empties out the window. So, I came up with the brilliant idea of collecting cans around the train tracks; what could possibly go wrong?

    A few days later we found a hole in the fence and proceeded to do our hunting and gathering of cans. The only catch was that when we strayed too far from the hole in the fence there was no refuge along the side of the tracks, only solid rock or fence.

    “Keep a keen lookout for trains when we went passed the safe zone” was our solution to that problem. Every time a train came we would scurry back to our little gap and wait until it passed.

    As time went on, we became more and more complacent, and we walked further and further away from our shelter. We always managed to get back in time without too much drama.

    Until that one time…

    Wayne was way out in front of me and I was too busy filling my bag with those valuable aluminium gems. Wayne had moved around a bend and I lost sight of him. Then it happened… I heard him scream first “A train!” he yelled. “A train!”

    As he rounded the bend and came into view, I could see the train bearing down on him; and me! It looked like something out of a movie; as if he was running in front of a green screen and the train was just a special effect. But this was no movie and that train was lethally real.

    As I turned to run I realised just how far we had strayed from our safe haven. God help us!

    So we were literally running for our lives. We couldn’t run into the middle and risk getting hit by a train from whichever direction they may be coming from. We had to get to that gap. I imagine it looking like Indiana Jones running from that giant boulder in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’.

    Like a gift from God I spotted a different gap we hadn’t noticed before and zeroed in on it like a guided missile. We were never going to get to the one we had been using all morning. I jumped into it and it was full of water; a few seconds later Wayne joined me and splash! We were both soaked.

    We sat in that muddy water as the train zoomed past with its horn blaring. I can only imagine what the driver must have been thinking and it wouldn’t have been pleasant.

    We dragged ourselves out of the murky water and staggered back to the hole in the fence. We hadn’t even ended up with that many cans. They looked a lot closer together when being viewed from a speeding train. In reality they were few and far between.

    Wayne didn’t really have anything to say to me about my bright idea seeing as if he had so willingly participated. Soaked and very much shaken we went home and added the few cans to our collection and made sure never to let our parents know about our ridiculously dangerous cash getting scheme.

  • THE OPPORTUNISTS START GETTING THEIR HOOKS IN: Rise of the Tycoons #7

    Skip forward a handful of generations and some of the booming tribes will have grown into villages. They would be working out the most efficient use of their labour power and ensuring the necessary know-how gets passed along to the next generation. The better they are at this the more fruitful their harvest.

    Security was always an issue, but now the burgeoning community has a lot more to lose. What a massive score all that stored provision would be for a marauding mob. “Fuck that! We worked hard for this stuff, and we figured out how to make it last.”

    So now on top of protecting themselves from the nasties of nature, they now needed to protect the fruits of their labour from pests and thieves. More innovation: fortification, guards and patrols, maybe put those dogs to good use. I am sensing a new pivotal point: in addition to “us” & “them” there is now emerging “our stuff”. A sense of ownership in its most basic sense: “we grew this!”

    Another trait found among almost all human groups is leadership. This concept deserves its own analysis, and it will get one later. For now, we’ll just point out the notion that throughout human history most tribes had some form of a head honcho or possibly elders who were looked up to. Depending on the needs of the time this could take the form of parental guidance, right across the spectrum to a hardcore war-chief. I believe it occurred quite organically and was passed on by tradition. The best would adapt to the prevailing circumstances.

    A village, on the other hand, would have more wiggle room for usurpers. Traditions may designate a leader through bloodline or initiation rite, but the newly inflated value of this position makes a very tempting objective for the hustlers in the pack. The larger the population, if it is performing well, the more goodies to be embezzled and the more minions can be put in place to become buffers and scapegoats.

    That’s enough on that conjecture. If it turns out to be spot on it was just a fluke anyway, so on with the train of thought.

    Many tribes would have good and noble leaders who could defend their role against the snakes. Unfortunately, as long as the prize exists there will be those who covet it. Some sneaks may employ manipulation akin to a Shakespearean villain to slip themselves into the top spot. If this illusion can be maintained the new (wrongful) leader will prevail.

    The other tactic is rather blunter. Gain control of the muscle and launch a coup. A quote I have had no luck finding which refers to such a tyrannical scheme goes something like: “pay the few to control the many”. If you know it, please tell me. This method can also be used by the conman leader if he senses his grip on control loosening.

    Either way a new character has now become a permanent fixture in the story of us, and they will continue to hone their skills and pass them on just like any other advantageous lessons being shared. Many will pass the torch directly to their offspring and given enough generations in a prosperous and expanding village you end up with the precursors to aristocracy.

    As ugly as it is, this is just another way humans used their big brains to gain an advantage. As a species we understand that cooperation and communication is one of our greatest assets. It essentially multiplies our effectiveness. However, if every decision had to be approved by the collective, nothing would get done and the tribe would stagnate. The larger the group the more ridiculous this idea of complete consensus becomes.

    A genetic solution to this flaw seems to be that most of us are instinctively followers. We have our own ideas and desires, but for the good of the whole we will participate in following a path laid out by someone we trust (or fear in a worst-case scenario). Within the group will be all shades of characteristics: drones, thinkers, clowns, troublemakers, deadshits, workhorses, innovators etc. but the majority will just do what they need to do without much fuss.

    A true leader feels responsible for the group and will seek to improve the circumstances of all involved. A weasel merely wants to be ‘the boss’ and get whatever they can with the least amount of effort. It would most definitely suck balls to be in a village where a weasel had rorted their way to the top spot.

  • CORPORATE CONFUSION: We’re up to Our Necks in it

    Introduction

    I’m sure you are aware of this thing called ‘The System’. The term gets lobbed around often enough. Whatever you reckon it is, there’s no doubt we are all stuck in it, and apart from becoming a hermit or a corpse, there seems to be no escape. So, what the fuck is IT? And while we’re on the subject who is “The Man”? Those shadowy characters who seem to be running the show.

    Well, that’s the purpose of this exercise. Laying down 50 odd years’ worth of “what the fuck is going on?” and hoping to find at least a tiny thread linking things. Just a shred of causation, purpose, reason. Not the pre-packaged stuff we are fed. If not a glimpse behind the curtain, I will settle for just seeing the curtain. Piece of cake!

    I totally understand that this is a fool’s errand, but I am really looking forward to the quest.

    What is this game? There certainly appears to be winners and losers. Is it all just a lottery based on the womb you happen to emerge from? Is it rigged? Is it an illusion? Is it even worth playing? And if not is there any alternative?

    Do ‘the powers that be’ even exist? I mean as a coherent organisation. Or is this all the result of random wannabe despots?

    Is anybody actually driving this fucken train???

    Whether it is a brilliantly orchestrated conspiracy or simply the inevitable result of such an overblown society, we’re all immersed in it and escape seems impossible barring the terminal one.

    Enough intro – let’s go!

  • I THINK I JUST WITNESSED ONE OF THE GREATEST NOBLE SACRIFICES IN A MOVIE EVER!: Movie Musings #3

    GODZILLA (1954)

    ***SPOILER ALERT***

    (If the title didn’t already give it away. Sorry)

    Without a doubt the most recognizable Kaiju (strange beast) in history. Godzilla was the embodiment of man’s destructive tendencies. A monstrous creature born out of hydrogen bomb testing, it is a devastating representation of the apocalyptic potential of nuclear weapons.

    I may write about this awe-inspiring film at a later date, but in the interests of brevity I will stick to my point. The noble sacrifice has been a cinema (or should I say story?) staple since way back when. The heroic self-sacrifice as a final act of altruism from a courageous hero, a brave act of redemption for a coward or villain, or just an out-and-out ‘fuck you’ final act of defiance. It has many faces and is a very useful tool in a writer’s bag. Maybe another essay here too; but I digress.

    In Godzilla the authorities eventually discover that they have no way of stopping this mammoth monstrosity’s ruinous rampage. Kind of how it must have felt to have atomic bombs dropped on you (that’s the other essay). Their entire arsenal is powerless against this far superior threat. They are on the losing side of the current arms race.

    Herein lies the awful paradox of man’s relentless quest for the next best weapon. Once it is created, the only option for the ‘enemy’, is to match the threat ASAP; and then the urgent pursuit of a greater weapon kicks off – repeat the cycle until Armageddon is achieved.

    In the era of this film the biggest and baddest weapon around is the nuclear bomb and even that can’t stop Godzilla. The Japanese literally throw everything at the beast, but it just keeps on coming.

    Miraculously, there is one scientist who has created a weapon that just might take the monster out. He has kept this creation a secret because it was never his intention to create a weapon. Like a lot of scientists who contributed to the making of the big bomb, he was wrapped up in pure research, trying to answer a mystery. The devastating power of the end result was not his goal. Up to now Dr Serizawa has staunchly guarded his research hoping to eventually find a ‘good’, or maybe ‘creative’ use for his findings.

    The mayhem and slaughter being unleashed by Godzilla forces Dr Serizawa to use his invention in the name of saving the country. This is an excruciatingly painful decision for him to make because he knows what the consequences will be. After the threat is neutralized a new and more terrible threat will exist – the weapon!

    Dr Serizawa knows that as soon as the potential of the weapon is recognized the governments of the world will be clamouring for it – all in the name of ‘protecting themselves’. No sooner will the celebration of being saved from Godzilla be winding down, will the warmongers (sorry protectors) of the world be banging on his door.

    He destroys all his notes but is well aware that the information still exists in his mind – and the next top weapon will not be given up lightly. National security demands it! He cannot be certain that he won’t somehow be forced to surrender the ruinous information.

    So, Dr Serizawa insists on being the one to deliver the package and send Godzilla to the great beyond. After doing the deed and saving Japan the Dr cuts his own air supply and joins the beast, thus saving the human race from a new way of massacring each other – in the name of safety of course.

    WOW!!!

  • POTENTIAL DEATH OR SERIOUS INJURY: True Stories #8

    On another visit to the National park, daytime this time, we were rowing a boat around the river. You often found ropes tied to trees all along these rivers. It was great fun to climb up to them and swing into the water.

    We found one such rope, so we tied our boat to a tree. We climbed up the rock to get access to the rope. The way this rope was tied it was beneficial to climb a tree and launch from a greater height to get a better swing and some extra speed as a bonus. Doing this meant that you swung out into the river in a kind of C like curve. You could let go whenever you wanted, but it was best to let the swing get right out on the river before letting go, and this is what we all did.

    I am not sure how many turns we had each had before someone spotted it… Holy fuck!

    There was a fallen tree in the river with branches sitting just beneath the water waiting to impale anyone who let go of the rope to early. It was by sheer coincidence that we had all agreed that hanging on until getting out as far as possible was the best option. Had anyone let go that little bit early, or slipped, they were heading straight for the underwater impaling monster tree.

    We all just stood and stared shaking our heads. How lucky can you be? We all admitted that none of us had seen this potential killer. We all agreed that we were a very lucky bunch of swingers and hopped back in our boat to move on. I can still envision that tree lurking under the water like a giant claw waiting for a victim.

    Always check for potential dangers before diving into unknown waters. That is a common message, but this story demonstrates how easy it is to forget such a warning; and just how dangerous things that look like a bit of fun can be.

    I am glad I can tell this story without having a friend or myself impaled on a tree branch.