MINDLESS MUSINGS

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes”

Jack Handy

I remember one of my first philosophy lectures. A simple story about keeping your promise hit a raw nerve with me. It went something like this: You promised your boss you would come in early today. The alarm goes off and you emerge from slumber to hear that it’s pissing down outside. You know it’s cold too. It’s so warm in bed. That early start may well become a day off.

The teacher told it so casually and sounded like he was perfectly fine with it. You bastard! As the Q&A progressed it became clear that whether he approved of such behaviour was beside the point. The reason he told the story that way was because it was from the point of view of the shirker.

“I’m nice and cozy here, the place won’t collapse without me” was the justification that person made. So, it pissed you off? Explain why. Give logical and valid reasons. ‘It pissed you off’ is the emotion; what about the snoozer’s attitude caused that? A lack of integrity is a good start… and we had a very lively discussion based on one simple scenario.

It can be very uncomfortable to step into someone else’s POV and genuinely try and see their experience; good and bad. You learn a hell of a lot. Obviously, you cannot work out another person’s motivations through a thought experiment. It is near impossible to figure out our own most of the time. What you do get, more often than not, is one or more unique perspectives on whatever situation you are contemplating.

Not everyone’s cup of tea, I am sure. If it’s yours, you may well be a closet philosopher, if not you certainly have the temperament to be a writer. You enjoy trying on new personalities and creating hypothetical situations. So without further ado, I will begin with a corporate theme:

“This company doesn’t reward loyalty!”

Loyalty! You asshole! Dragging your miserable ass in here every other day and slowly decreasing your output throughout the years is hardly loyalty! You should be thanking us for keeping you and your decreasing performance on the payroll you fucking passenger! Lurking is not loyalty mate. Loyalty, as in true devotion would have seen you either improve or fuck off and make way for the next person. Fall on your sword like a samurai you selfish prick!

Profits above all else! We all knew that was the true goal. All those other slogans were just for show:

“Safety is our number 1 priority” – yeah right, we lose profits wrapping our employees in cotton wool while our competitors steal our market share.

“Our people come first” – Only as long as they are useful. If we can do it cheaper or more efficiently it’s goodbye Charlie. You can’t maximise profits carrying dead weight! Fucken labour laws. Why isn’t ‘useless asshole’ good enough grounds for dismissal?”

Wow! That was a little too easy to get into character. I think it even went into first-person there too. Was that empathy or wishful impersonation? You know what they say about power and corruption?

On the point about loyalty, here’s something I wrote a while back:

I had a stark realisation while joking about a coworker’s long service bonus recently. Clearly, we all see this as a well-earned reward, so the joke played on that idea. When he told me he was getting it I put on my best authoritarian voice and said: “You’ve been with us for 20 years and we did not sack you, no need to thank us. Get back to work.” No gift card, no extra leave. I thought it was pretty funny and people seemed to be amused.

The realisation that struck me was from something I had said in all seriousness many years prior, when people were being relocated from government housing with Sydney Harbour views. Their common complaint was: “I’ve lived here for X number of years” (usually 20 or more!). “You’re welcome” was my sarcastic response to that. You won the Housing Commission lottery and got to live there, while others ended up in slums and you want to use the time you had there as a reason for exemption; entitlement anyone?

Looking at the long service award through this lens I was struck by the similarity. This guy may or may not have been a hard worker when he started out with the company. I didn’t know him then. After years of monotony and disillusionment he slowly but surely started decreasing his effort. After 20 years of the relentless grind and all the aches and pains that accumulate with it, he is practically phoning in his performance; doing nothing but the bare minimum (and less if possible) each day.

That joke and the Houso comment have an eerie connection. I often hear how loyalty is not rewarded in an angry tone from people. Well, they didn’t sack you despite your blatant decline in work ethic. They spared you the most grueling tasks and gave them to the new and younger blokes. What more do you want? I could be tarred and feathered for saying such things!

Of course, it doesn’t help the situation when this guy has watched bludgers and idiots move up to supervisory and management positions. People who were just as slack, or more so, as he was. People who moved up the ladder to avoid doing physical work but are absolutely useless as leaders. It is so frustrating when a person who was a consummate deadshit when they worked beside you is now stalking you and trying to pressure you to work harder. The contempt such hypocrisy breeds is palpable! You must wonder if they really have that short of a memory? Asshole!

I have no doubt in my mind that many managers and higher ups think of long-term employees in that derogatory way. I have also seen my fair share of long-term workers taking the piss and getting away with it. Although I have seen just as many new and young employees doing the same. Not to mention a host of imposters in leadership roles who “couldn’t run a fucken chook raffle!”

I don’t know what happened to the hat analogy, but we’ll end here. Cheers.

The Imagined Ideal