MINDLESS MUSINGS

Two things stick in my mind about that meeting. The self-applause and the story about old Reg.

Ordinary day at work and we are all asked to scale the lofty heights and attend a farewell meeting in the first-floor offices for our boss. It was a long time ago, so most of this is pretty foggy. I do recall that this guy had not been with us very long and most of us had never even met him. His second in charge, who was taking over, was the one who regularly walked the floor and chatted with the staff. This guy preferred to sit up in his office and do whatever he did up there.

The 2IC gave a speech and felt that this enigma of a boss was a great mentor (at least to him). Maybe this mystery man was a good boss, we had no way of knowing. It had been business as usual ever since he came aboard. That’s about all I can recall until the man of the moment stepped forward and opened his mouth.

He proceeded to tell us about how he was bullied as a kid and that he was sure most of the bullies were now worse off than him. He was a success and they were…well doing the shit work like we were doing, I guess. He didn’t use those exact words of course, but that was gist. I can still see the bemused looks of my coworkers as we looked at each other with furrowed brows.

“What the fuck is this?”

“Did we go to school with this gronk?”

His self-admiration then moved on to his beautiful and amazing wife and how they were moving to Melbourne, on to bigger and better things. Our loss I suppose.

“I’m gunna have a great life me!” He actually fucking said that!

At this point people started to drift away; some shaking their heads and others just giggling. “What a fucken tool!” Most of us had no idea who this honcho was, and he wants us to witness this goodbye wank-fest. People were going back to work rather than listen to it – that says a lot!

Some stayed out of politeness or obedience. Most of us stayed just to see what was coming next. It was fascinatingly bizarre!

Unfortunately, time has erased any other inspirational wisdom given to us by that paragon of modesty, but the Reg yarn has never left me. I’ll tell it in our departing leader’s words.

“I remember when I was running the H&^%$sh depot. There was this old bloke called Reg who loaded the Gold Coast trailer. One afternoon we got an email enquiring about a parcel and so I was in the GC trailer having a look for it. Reg arrived and saw me in his trailer and he was furious. He told me to ‘get the fuck out of his trailer!’ I didn’t mind though because he always made sure that trailer was loaded properly and on time. I knew I could rely on Reg.”

When we were finally released from that most peculiar performance the talk was a cross between the insane trumpet blowing and Gold Coast Reg. Our ex-boss, Mr success was impressed with Reg’s dedication. For the rest of us the impression was unanimous.

“Poor old Reg has lost the fucken plot!”

“Is he telling us to model our behaviour on a nutter?”

We’ve all worked with people like that and if you’ve been around long enough you would have been there to see how little the impact of them leaving is. Barely a blip on the radar of the day to day. Of course, those who interacted with him will remember the character he was, but the business will go on as if nothing happened. They took the job so seriously and were replaced so seamlessly like a worn-out cog.

That said, nobody missed the boasting boss either. At least he went on to greener pastures I suppose. Such a strange event.