MINDLESS MUSINGS

In the late 1990s I worked for a magazine distribution company that will remain nameless. I was in my mid 20s and a weekend binge drinker like all my mates. I often credit this job for tipping me over the alcoholic edge. I’ll leave that downward spiral for another day. At this point it was party time!

My cousin had got me the job, and his mother (my fun auntie) worked in the offices upstairs. She was already a high functioning alcoholic, and my cousin enjoyed a drink more than I did. I was amazed at the antics in this place.

At lunch time a group of us would walk up to the pub and drink. Another group would head to the car park and sit in their cars punching cones – smoke billowing out the windows. The old ladies usually sat around outside smoking ciggies. I’m sure there were other people not frying their brains (wierdos) and there were occasional days when most people abstained (maybe not the potheads though).

After lunch we would all head back inside and proceed to work with strapping machines and conveyor belts. Several bleary-eyed people would hop on their forklifts and continue the shift like normal. I do not recall anyone saying anything about this being odd.

My cousin had even perfected the most efficient way to drink during the break. I forget now, but it was along the lines of “you buy a schooner of beer and two shots of bourbon, each in a glass with ice. You get a small bottle of Coke and that saves you having to waste time going back to the bar”. At the time I thought he was a genius – maximum efficiency!

When we got back to work the radio would be a bit louder and the pub people would have a little extra bounce (and maybe slip) in their step. The car crowd would all have that cheesy grin on their faces. I have a clear memory of the first week I was there. The belt had stopped, and one young lady took the opportunity to jump up on it and start dancing. The reaction? Well, the radio was turned up of course and other people started joining in.

The only time I can recall the supervisor being pissed off was when my cousin and one of the older blokes didn’t come back from lunch at all. It was raining that day and nobody could be bothered driving, but these two weren’t missing their lunchtime beverages – did I mention it was a Friday?

As the afternoon work commenced it soon became apparent that two forklifts were unmanned. Everyone knew where they were, but the supervisor was optimistic (on a Friday?). After a little while my cousins’ fiancé, who worked in the downstairs office came over and handed me a cordless phone from the office (yes mobile phones were a rare thing back then).

It was my cousin of course asking me to grab their bags after work. They knew I would be heading straight up there to join them anyway. The supervisor calmly took the phone from my hand and told them what he was thinking. He was such a cool supervisor. There was no hostility, it was the “I’m disappointed” tone.

The other pisshead procedure my cousin introduced me was the before work drink. Sometimes when it was very quiet and there was not much work, we would be given only 4 hours work on staggered shifts. The last shift was something like 12:45pm. That was like a red flag to a bull for my cousin. He informed we would be meeting at the pub before the shift, as if it was the most natural thing ever.

Other booze hound pearls of wisdom my cousin imparted:

Him: let’s go to the pub

Me: It’s only 11 AM

Him: would you like a beer?

Me: yeah, but-

Him: then let’s go. Why do people have these bullshit set times to start drinking?

Watertight reasoning.

Last one

Him: Let’s go to the pub

Me: It’s Monday arvo.

Him: So?

Me: Fair enough.

I worked at that place for two years and there was only one injury, and I am almost certain the two guys involved were blood tested and must have passed. Nobody was sacked and the injured dude got his compo. That’s fucking incredible! 2 years of intoxicated antics and only one casualty who was probably sober at the time. Oh, and the actual workplace was an OH&S nightmare itself.  More on that another time.